Where You Are

Obsessing over the following song by Gavin Degraw:

Yeah...the dude's kinda goofy looking but that song hits hard.

I can also imagine the exact scene that would play in my head as that song plays.  I'm cheesy but whatever ROMANTIC.  Yep.

I've been cooped up in my apartment trying to write papers and it's not helping my sanity.  Once the next week or two are over, I'm treating myself to lunch and a movie.  Maybe a movie each day of my 4-day weekends: Hunger Games, Jeff Who Lives at Home and two other movies which have yet to be determined.  Either way I want to see the aforementioned movies.

Less than two months and I will be in California for a few weeks!  I miss you, my love!  I miss your sunshine and beaches and driving my beautiful, red Yaris on your streets!

Rambleramblerah

There's a lot going on in my little corner of the world.

Have you ever had times where things just hit you? Not physically -- but mentally?

It's been happening to me now for a few weeks. It's like, one realization hit. Then another, and another, and it snowballs. There have been moments lately where I am sitting on the train (because I'm, y'know, a city dweller now!) and boom! ka-pow!, something hits. It takes nearly all of my strength to not fall over from the impact, even though it's all in my head. It's a sobering experience, to say the least. I haven't had too many of these over the years, but they've been intense lately.

I hope I can one day say what I've been thinking of ... it just all makes sense, now. I just want to talk it out, fix things, sort things out. I've become more of a talker the past few months, and honestly, I think it's because of the career I'm going after. I need to be able to speak.

In other news, I have major papers coming up and I am already worn out. However, I find myself oddly excited to do school work! I don't particularly like watching myself on video (*cringe*) but I do enjoy writing.

Thank goodness my first year of grad school is done soon and then I'm on vacation for a month. I need a break, I tells ya! It will be nice to be home for a few weeks. I miss California, but I am starting to fall deeply in love with Chicago, especially now that it's spring. I have a renewed appreciation for this beautiful city. It's just ... sigh. Amazing.

I was inspired to do some creative writing earlier because of a song that I was listening to. That used to happen to me often, actually -- I'd be listening to a song and have an incredible itch to write something. I can't describe the feeling that I get, but I know there are people out there who've felt it. It's this energy within that you swear will kill you if you don't let it out. I've had it happen when I want to write a story or when I want to write a song (which hasn't happened lately unfortunately).

I've been fighting sleep lately for no good reason except that I don't feel like sleeping. My body wants to but I'm stubborn.

However, on that note, I'm going to bed. I am highly aware of how rambly this entry is.

Word Vomit.

Sometimes, I have so much that I want to say to certain people that it feels physically impossible to hold back. I'm naturally a quiet person, but with the right companion, I can blab like there's no tomorrow. It's definitely a trust issue for me -- I will leak small pieces of information about myself, and if you don't judge me, welcome me with open arms, and don't go blabbing about it to others (ugh), pretty soon you will get to know me pretty well. You'll also realize that I'm silly as all hell and like to scare the bejeezus out of myself with ghost stories.

That being said, I had a pretty insane week last week. It was as if something clicked in my mind and things just started coming to light. First it was one thing, then another. Next thing I know, a flood of realizations hit.

And I realized a lot. My mind and emotions are so tired. Some of the realizations were a slap in the face and I physically winced when I thought more about them.

I am trying not to go crazy here. TRYING being the keyword. I just keep telling myself "Patience, Tritia!" Somehow, my patience has waned over the years. I blame it on my last job where I needed things done right then.

Anyhow. I also plan on getting back on my fitness thing. The Chicago winter was quite cold (though not as cold as it usually is, apparently. Hey, I'm not complaining!) and I didn't venture outside as much. Luckily though, Spring has come out from its hiding place! I plan on walking at least 3 miles a day for at least 5 days a week while watching what I eat. I've gained 4 lbs. I know it doesn't seem like a lot but that will take 4 freaking weeks to lose!